Hey, guys. I wanted to check in to let you know that I’ve taken a bit of a respite. The content was—and still is—hard. It has been difficult to relive, and even harder to sleep at night. I have vivid dreams of my teenage years and my childhood home, and none have been pleasant. There are many things I blame myself for, and I still struggle with self-abasement. I’m not proud of my past or the choices I’ve made. Then I think there is something wrong with me, my sister seems to be just fine.. so why not me?
Ive also found myself thinking about Gino and wondering how he’s doing. Listening to the steppers music he used to play and thinking what if he had a better childhood. It wasn’t fair for either of us, so I would never disparage him. I was thinking about him, so I looked him up. He’s finally out of jail. He had been in and out on drug charges for years. I found his address and saw that he’s still in Chicago. I didn’t go as far as finding him on social media because it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie. I’m not the same girl I was at 15. Even though it’s been so long, I still have so many questions. I’ve decided I’ll save them for Glory.
This next portion goes into my young adult life, marriage and divorce. I tried to find a way around discussing that part because my ex-husband is involved. Since he’s still an active part of my daughter’s life, I will keep his role to a minimum. I will however tell my piece.
I’ll be posting a new entry starting tomorrow. I just needed to take a breather from tears and defeat. A part of me feels like nobody is reading this, and I’m making a complete fool of myself. But a greater part of me believes that if even one person is helped, it’s all worth it. Who knows, maybe one day my daughter will want to know more about the parts I can’t say aloud.
Thank you to those of you who have been reading these entries and to those who comment faithfully. I appreciate you.
iamkimblakes 
Comments
10 responses to “Respite”
I’d be so sad if you stopped. I can’t wait to read your writings daily. You’ve got this. Prayers as you tell your story for God’s glory.
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Please know that I’ve read every word and really do appreciate and look forward to reading your entries. Thank you for sharing your story.
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I understand how hard this has been to put into words & exposing your young life. I don’t have a youth I’m embarrassed about, but my 40’s and older. I’d never want anyone to know about my life during those years. You are much braver than I am.
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Hugs to you Kimberly! You are a blessing
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Sis, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You went through a lot of trauma at a young age so please give yourself some grace. Take all the time you need. We’ll be here waiting to read whenever you decide to write. Love you!
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just wanted to say thank you..I am one of many reading
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Kimberly, I’ve been keeping up with your writing, just haven’t commented. Reading your content helped me in keeping my mind off of what I’ve been dealing with, the loss of my dad. Your story was like reading a novel that I couldn’t put down. Your transparency about your life will definitely help someone who endured similar experiences to know that God can change and heal from brokenness. I can see why the enemy wanted to kill, and damage you in your early years, because to see the woman of God that you’ve become will tear his kingdom down! I know it difficult, and you’re going through different emotions while writing, but there’s purpose in what God is allowing you to do! I love it, because you’ll save someone who would attempt to go down the same path, but your testimony will encourage them! I’m praying for you while you’re resurfacing what you’ve gone through! Love you Sis!❤️❤️
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I read every word.
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I read every word.
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Oh my sweet friend. {{{hugs}}} Take as much time as you need. It’s a lot to overcome. But you are an overcomer and look how far you’ve come!! Please, please leave Gino where he is. I understand, though. I’ve been guilty of looking into my first real love’s where-abouts, too. I would love to know how he’s doing, how many children he has, etc. BUT I will NOT. Hang in there! We will be here when you’re ready!
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